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Things I Do (Besides Exist)

A curated collection of my hobbies, ranked by how much money I've spent on equipment versus how good I actually am at them. Spoiler: the ratio is not flattering.

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Cooking

I've mastered the art of turning a 5-minute recipe into a 3-hour disaster.

My signature dish is 'Burnt Carbonara.' Michelin stars are overrated anyway. One time I made pasta that was so al dente, it fought back. I follow recipes the way pirates follow maps - loosely, with a lot of cursing, and I usually end up somewhere unexpected.

💡I once set off the smoke detector making toast. Toast.
Beautiful pasta that I would definitely find a way to ruin
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Hiking

I hike to find cell reception and take photos that make me look like I have my life together.

My favorite trail is the one that ends at a food truck. The mountains call, and I tell them I'll call back - after I check my email, charge my phone, and wait for the weather to be exactly 72 degrees with zero chance of bugs. I own hiking gear worth more than my couch. I've used it twice.

💡I got lost for 4 hours once. Found a Starbucks. Best hike ever.
A beautiful hiking trail I would absolutely get lost on
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Gaming

I have 2,000 hours in Stardew Valley and I still can't catch a fish.

My gaming setup costs more than my car. The RGB matches my apartment aesthetic so well that interior designers take notes. I play games to escape reality, then immediately make spreadsheets to optimize my virtual farm. The grind never stops, even in fiction. I have completed Skyrim seven times. Seven.

💡I once spent 6 hours organizing my inventory in a game. I don't have a problem. I have a system.
My cozy gaming setup (the RGB is not a phase, mom)
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Reading

I buy books faster than I can read them. My TBR pile is a structural hazard.

I once read an entire Wikipedia article about the history of paperclips at 3 AM and felt like a genius. I only read non-fiction so I can sound smart at parties I don't attend. My bookshelf is curated, color-coded, and 60% unread. It's not a collection - it's an aspirational museum of who I want to become.

💡I judge books by their cover. I'm not proud of it, but I'm also not changing. The cover designers worked hard.
A cozy reading nook that I aspire to own one day